Why is it ok to point out that smoking is bad for your health but not ok to point out that being obese is? Very odd.
— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) October 11, 2014
Hey, Libtards! If climate change is real, then why is it raining right now? #tcot
— Eugene Mirman (@EugeneMirman) October 11, 2014
I think #Montana has more neck up tattoos per capita than anywhere else in the states. #BigSkyComedy
— Jay Hollingsworth (@BigIrishJay) October 11, 2014
Am I supposed to douche?
— 1-800-Seth-a-lot (@slazear1) October 11, 2014
Please support my kickstarter to remake The Notebook with Welsh Corgis.
— Scott Losse (@Scott_Losse) October 11, 2014
I just realized a bunch of cave dwelling terrorists are better at social media than I am.
— Voodoo Chicken (@vuduchikin) October 11, 2014
Sounds like my neighbors are breaking up if anyone is looking for a nagging bitch or a guy who cums too fast.
— Sassafrantz (@Sassafrantz) October 11, 2014
Earthquakes seem to know when my dog is about to freak out.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) October 10, 2014
Freshened up the ol Tinder profile. This should get me some weirdos. pic.twitter.com/Vm9VIGIlC7
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) June 5, 2014