Tuesday, April 28, 2015

4/28/2015 10:00:00 PM
McDonald's appears to be cutting their menu by a few items. In recent years the fast food hamburger giant went a little nuts trying to add new items to pull in business from their growing competition. I'd like to be able to say that cows can rest a little easier, but that's most likely not the case, because it appears to be more chicken sandwich items than anything.

I'd like to be able to say that McDonald's will be choking fewer chickens, but they still have their nuggets. I don't care what's in those processed lumps of formed chicken paste...those things are damn delicious. Give me some extra pouches of that spicy mustard sauce so I can live on the edge and pay for my sins with the heartburn later. I'm going big or going home.

Maybe both.

According to an anonymous source whom spoke with CNBC, the items they are removing from the menu are... (insert drum roll here)

  1. The honey mustard Snack Wrap
  2. Chipotle BBQ Snack Wrap
  3. Bacon habanero ranch Quarter Pounder
  4. Bacon and cheese Quarter Pounder
  5. Premium chicken club sandwich
  6. Premium ranch BLT chicken sandwich
I get what they were trying to do, but come on. If you're going to McDonald's you're not looking for anything "premium."

I read a few other places that they were removing additional chicken sandwiches as well. However, chickens shouldn't be breathing a sigh of relief just yet. Chick-fil-A is bringing their homophobic poultry to a city near you.

In fact, one just opened up near me a few weeks ago. I wonder if there are gay chickens... I bet there are. That would be some great publicity, seeing a video leak of two Chick-fil-A chickens scissoring, while giving the middle finger to the CEO.


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