Wednesday, May 06, 2015

5/06/2015 01:16:00 PM

When I moved to Seattle, Washington in 2009, I was recently divorced, living in my parents basement and unemployed.  So, I did what every women should do in this situation- join a few dating websites and make a goal to have a date every night for a week.  I lasted 2 days.  And here are the 2 types of men I encountered and how I dealt with them.

1.  The Yoga Instructor aka Narcissist- In a crowded bar in downtown Queen Anne, I met Derek.  He was cute with that snowboarder/ beanie hat in 70 degree weather look.  When we met up, the address he gave me was a nightclub and ALL of his friends were with him.  I calmly played pool with the large entourage and when we had a moment to talk, Derek charmed me by telling me my hair was frizzy and his ex girlfriend and him still own a salon I should check out.

How to deal- For one, I made sure to get drunk.  Really drunk.  Charged all my drinks on different tabs.  After some awesome courage, I didn't hold back.  With these types, you can't worry about being a bitch and how they think you're pathetic.  They do think that.  So, play the part. Fuck em!!  I found the nerd of the bunch in the group and hung out with him for the rest of the night.  By the end of the night, Derek was showing his true insecure colors.  Needless to say, I eventually did make a comment  to Derek about the beanie and signs of baldness underneath. For some reason, I was asked on a second date.  We never went out again.

2.  The Unemployed Entitled Asshole-  Thank you Plenty of Fish for introducing me to AJ (his real name).  AJ was a good looking ex- construction worker who had tattoos and the SWAG of a guy who enjoys boy bands.  We went out once.  And during our date, AJ informed me I was being a bitch to the waitress for asking for a different soda, was being rude for not finishing my beer and I should be lucky he is on a date with me, considering he usually dates women with jobs.  I walked out on our date.  I didn't say a word.  Pretended to use the bathroom and got the hell out of there!!

Plot twist-  AJ was very resourceful.  Somehow the next day after our date, he managed to find out where I lived and drove to my house when I wasn't home.  Luckily, my father was home and managed to talk him off the ledge from having a nervous breakdown from not hearing from me.  How did he know where I lived? Super creepy, We never went out again.


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