You're ugly. Don't even bother.

You can't let women get too big of an ego...Then they'll leave you for a well endowed black midget.

Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the president?

Maybe the president shouldn't be hanging out with ninjas...

Fight the man

You can't tell us what to do.

F*ck

Watch the f*cking video.

I'm ready to get circumcised!

Everyone has a different way to unwind.

What flood?

Life gives you lemons? Slice them and drink them with beer.

No loose women

There will be a "tight" inspection upon entry.

Free Happy Ending

My new favorite place to eat...

Happy Valentine's Day!

Damn, I should've gotten her what she really needed...

Dragon meat

Well, they will help you breathe fire...

F all your needs at InterBank

We only care about ours...

Asian crotch kicking Doritos

Szechuan & ball sack flavor.

12 year old girl arrested for flashing kids

Finally some justice.

Boil condom = Profit

Makes sense.

Game of Twister anyone?

Right hand blue.

To the person I've slept with most recently:

Pretty much the same thing...

Bill Maher on Valentine's Day

Flowers for blowjobs exchange program...

The. End.

I guess you have to be more specific with your instructions.

Beer and Beer

I think I'm going to shop here more often...

Snowboarding accident

No more Olympics for you, Shaun White.