Age is really just a number

And your penis is a lethal weapon.

Nothing is ever black and white

My penis.

Gave up my baby for adoption on facebook

Attention whore.

Eric, you're fired

I just masturbate during work hours. Screw facebook.

Will Ferrell & Justin Bieber

You are a stronger man than I, Will.

Men and women

I noticed that they have vaginas... That's as far as I've gotten.

Shut up and get in the kitchen!

Haha, making sandwiches equates to a good marriage?

Buy weed on facebook

Stupidity is its own reward.

Still with her after she stabbed yo' ass?

That hot ass will get you every time...

He's a keeper...

Later he put the phone up to his butt so you could kiss the soreness away too...

When are you ready for sex?

I still laugh at mine when I take off my pants so...

I treat my girlfriend like a child

...and a gold star for wiping her own ass today.

It's easy to be a whore...

Seriously.

Mum, come home because I am seeing ghosts

Shut up and let your Mom get laid, Jesus.

Forgetting the last page of the test...

Or masturbating on your friend's Mom's face feels like.

I was trapped on the escalator for hours!

No, I meant the stairs.

How I play "The Sims"

What happens when you lock the dog up with the husband?

Pretend you're God for one minute

Sometimes it's fun to be petty.

You dumping me like this?

Maybe it would be better if she posted a picture of the new guy she's with and tagged him in it...

Beat up a street mime in Paris

Might be a better show if you sexually assaulted him too.