Salvation Guaranteed

That sounds like a threat...

Well, I guess that means I have lots of lube...

I love friction between two people. Church is going to be fun!

How often do you come?

I'd rather talk about that in confession...

Church parking only, don't make us make you an altar boy!

Well, that doesn't sound very Christian of you...

Midget or a small child?

"I didn't want anyone to think I was offending a midget..."

I kissed a girl and went to hell

Might as well have put a finger in her brown eye then too...

Face powder to get a man

And some white powder up his nose to tolerate you in between...

Close your mind, save your brains...

Moral of the story is go to church, I think...

Walmart is not the only saving place

Exactly. Watch for falling fire and brimstone.

Intelligence abounds

Hrm... I'm not sure if that makes sense...or if you should be spelling "are" as "r" on a sign trying to recruit people to your preachings...

Let the church help...

I always wondered about that...

Sex abuse RULES!

Religion is great.

I love going to church...

Christ fills my cracks with Jesus juice.

Aaron doesn't like those "moron Mormons"

My iphone doesn't like seafood and anal rape.

He Walked on Water & Then Turned it into Wine

Who knew Jesus was a hydroplane racer?

We're All Still Here!

Try getting up on Sunday morning after you falsely predicted rapture the night before...for the second time...

Sneak a Peak

Muslims worship Victoria's Secret. That's just a fact. Check out that guy's erection!

Happy Easter! Finally, the REAL History...

I'm pretty sure this is where those Cadbury eggs come from...

Last year I shared the REAL HISTORY of Easter and I want to take a few minutes to correct some mistakes that I made...  What REALLY happened was that this was the day when Little Bunny Foo Foo was resurrected by Foghorn Leghorn.

It was love at first necromancy and Little Bunny Foo Foo laid a dozen eggs.  That's where the twelve disciples came from. Then the Romans came along and ate them in an egg salad sandwich.  That's what made Jesus so mad at the temple.

Moses got really mad too and set his bush on fire which made him part the Red Sea to put it out. Then Little Bunny Foo Foo and Foghorn Leghorn walked across to safety and that's why we hide eggs on Easter. So that the dirty Romans don't make anymore egg salad sandwiches...

Happy Easter!

Clergyman Vader

You've got a robe, I've got a robe...