I'm ready to get circumcised!

Everyone has a different way to unwind.

I got your twat

If you needed a reason to get drunk...that sounds like a good one.

Sexual instructions for the pizza guy

I think you were right the first time...

F*ck FarmVille!

I think that's the appropriate response...

I wasn't even that drunk

So maybe you're just a fruit.

This is why we're best friends

If your pants are off, they will think "Narnia" is a euphemism.

Love is complicated...

...and painful.

The. End.

I guess you have to be more specific with your instructions.

Then why do you wear a bra?

BURN!

I want to move out

Let me show you how we made you, son...

Love those dirty blondes

Same thing, right?

I HATE YOU

I don't have a phone either...

You're just jealous

Next time just fart under the covers and hold your head there.

The jokes on her. I built a fort!

You mean, you made her sleep on the bed because she was being childish.

I don't know what idk means!

Nevermind, what was it like before TV?

Be in my bed naked + thong by 9pm

Maybe not... wait for their response first.

Hey Chrissy, want to come to my sex toy party?

I'm not sure either.

I forgot to take off my invisibility cloak

Thanks, smart ass.

Is it bad to break up via text?

A very sensitive way to do it...

Blood and puss comin' out of my...

I hope it's his too, because that's just gross...